


Anger Burns In The Heart of He Who Fans The Flame of Destruction Within Himself

by FerociousFerret



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Betrayal, Character Study, Child Abuse, Complicated Relationships, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Manipulation, Family Drama, Flashbacks, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Sokka (Avatar), Non-Linear Narrative, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sozin's Comet, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, Ursa (Avatar) is a Bad Parent, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko Has A Mental Breakdown Next I Promise, first draft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26414452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerociousFerret/pseuds/FerociousFerret
Summary: Then a thought filled her, Father’s face tight with annoyance combined with the fact that she had just disrespected him…Would…would he burn her the same way he burnt Zuko?While she had smiled when Father punished Zuko that fateful day, she would be lying if the pleas and wails of her brother didn’t haunt her. She’d never admit that though. She was foolish for thinking it could’ve been any different. Things like trust and love are for fools, fear is the only reliable way.There simply was no room for love in the palace halls.No wonder Zuzu hadn’t made it
Relationships: Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Azula & Mai (Avatar), Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Azula & Therapy, Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 116





	Anger Burns In The Heart of He Who Fans The Flame of Destruction Within Himself

* * *

_“My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right of course, but it still hurt.”_

* * *

  
One of Azula’s first memories is playing in the garden with her brother. The sky was clear, the air calm, and the turtleducks were making their usual chitters and quacks. She can’t remember what they’re playing, but she does remember what she does that stops it. Zuzu was chasing her and in the moment, only winning was on her mind. The rush of adrenaline and pure joy was enough to keep her far ahead of him. They were giggling, mother was reading, the guards were standing quietly at their posts. Then, fire.

  
It shot from her palm and right at her brother as he jumped away to avoid the flames. Her mother cried out and rushed over to check on her brother. Azula was shocked, then excited. This was what father always told her about, the bending that would help keep their rightful position in power, the spark Zuzu didn’t have. That was fine though. She’d protect him.

  
However, when she turned to her mother, she saw no pride. She saw golden eyes that had once looked so warm now look at her with the searing emotions of fear, distrust, and disgust.

  
“Azula,” She grit out,” Go tell your father. Now.”

  
Her mother was cradling her brother like she’d broken him, shielding him away from her while she pieced him back together. She’s protecting him.

  
_From her._

  
She let a mute nod and went to her father. The guards were giving each other looks. The same look of fear minus the disgust. They began to whisper. She felt the hot flash of embarrassment course through her. She made the mistake of turning around to see Zuko still in the arms of mother with the same look of fear.

  
She turned around again and started running to where she knew her father to be.

  
Maybe he’d be proud of her.

* * *

_“I’m sorry it had to end this way brother. “_

_“No, you’re not.”_

* * *

Azula would never admit, even on her deathbed, that she loved Zuko. He had been a comfort when she was young. Father had never been cruel to her but he had never been warm, and her mother’s love flickered out after that day in the garden. But Zuko had stayed. He still tried to play with her in the garden, sneak her extra dessert, and let her come into his room to cuddle when she woke up from a nightmare or a particularly nasty thunderstorm. He was always warm. However, that couldn’t last.

  
After her bending appeared, she was labeled a prodigy, and almost immediately started her training. She still wanted to play with Zuko and did after her lessons, but one day her father stopped her.

  
“Azula,” he called, “Come here for a moment.”

  
“Sir?”

  
“Where are you going?”

  
“To play with Zuzu.”

  
“And why would you want to do that?”

  
Looking back, Azula should’ve noticed that it had been a rhetorical question. At the time she hadn’t though, she had just been confused. Why wouldn’t she want to play with her brother? They always did after their lessons were over, he knew that.

  
“That’s what we always do after lessons.”

  
“Well, as of today, we will be starting a new routine. You will report to me and we will practice your bending. You’re the future Fire Lady after all.”

  
“I thought Zuzu was supposed to be Fire Lord?”

  
“No, he’s far too weak for the position. You are stronger than he is, and he ever will be. Now come along.”

  
She blinked. She was stronger than Zuko. She was to be the future ruler. She was better in their father’s eyes. Not Zuko. A pride swelled in her chest. She was better than Zuko. With that in mind she scurried after her father, eager to win his approval. He loved her, he wanted what was best. Mother wanted to hold her back like she held Zuko back. She wouldn’t let her. The palace halls were as wide and empty as they always had been, but she felt cozier inside than she ever had before.

* * *

_“Why would Father want you back? Except to lock you away where you can no longer embarrass him?”_

* * *

Zuzu was sick and Azula was on her way to visit him. He may be lesser in the grand scheme of things; he was still important to her.

  
She supposed that was her first mistake.

  
A warm, large hand rested upon her shoulder. She turned her head to see her father, eyes stony and firm.

  
“Where are you going Azula?”

  
“To see Zuzu.”

  
Her father, before then, had never looked at her with such a face. His face went from a calm neutral rest to a sneer. Her eyes widened when she saw steam coming out of his ears.

  
“Azula,” he began with a sigh, “I thought we went over this. Visiting Zuko won’t help you become a master bender or the Fire Lady. You must understand that.”

“But- “

“No. Azula, I thought you were smarter than this. I’m disappointed. Zuko is weak. How many times must I repeat that to you before it sinks in? He’s terrible at bending, too shy, and too soft. I could name a million other things but that would be wasting my time and breath. You, however, were blessed by Angi. You will be the one to carry on the Sozin line, so we can hold our rightful place. That is why you shouldn’t waste time with that boy. So, remember that, and don’t forget it.”  
Her breath hitched. He was disappointed in her. That would not do. He couldn’t be disappointed in her. Mother already filled that role. Azula had to amend this quickly.

  
“Yes Father. Don’t worry I won’t.”

  
One parent loved her, and she felt like she needed that more than the air she breathed.

* * *

“You think I’m a monster _._

* * *

  
Mother was gone. She up and disappeared one night, packed all her things, and left. Azula wasn’t surprised she didn’t get a goodbye, but she was surprised when she found out Zuko hadn’t. Zuko was Mother’s favorite, he was Uncle’s favorite, he was Lu Ten’s favorite. She wasn’t surprised completely though. She’d always been selfish, keeping Zuko from his true potential, keeping him soft, and weak. She’d fix it though. He’d have worth soon enough even if it was just a little. Uncle was nowhere to be seen either. Figures. So, she’s the one left to deal with Zuko crying his eyes dry and hiccupping with sobs. Comfort isn’t something Azula is good at, so she does the next best thing.

Giving him a proper nudge in the right direction.

  
“Get up Zuzu and stop crying. Father will be coming soon for our afternoon lessons and you know he hates it when you cry. Boys aren’t supposed to, remember?”  
Her brother looks up, face flushed with tears and snot around his nose. He’s also shaking like a leaf. It’s gross and pathetic. She tells him so. He scowls at her which given his state, isn’t very effective. Not that it ever was of course.

  
“Aren’t you upset? At all?! Mom just…just left! Left us here...alone...all alone.”

  
“Exactly. She doesn’t care, never did. There’s no reason to be upset about it!”

  
His face did that ugly thing where it scrunched up and glared. He looked far too much like Mother. Then his face crumbled, and he continued to shake.

  
“So, you really don’t care huh?”

  
His voice was dejected but there was something there, under the surface, woven into the simple little question that wasn’t really simple at all.

  
_Yes, I do._

  
“Nope!” she exclaims instead,” See, you get it. Now come on and stop moping or you’ll be late.”

  
Her brother looked back in confusion over her nonchalance of their missing, most likely dead, mother. She shrugged, turned, and made her way to the training room where Father would be waiting.

  
After all, she was a monster, and monsters aren’t supposed to care.

* * *

_“You, you can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko!”_

* * *

There was no room for love in the palace halls, Azula later realized. She realized this maybe too late. She knew Mother didn’t love her, she knew Iroh hadn’t either nor had Lu Ten, but she thought maybe Father had. She was wrong.

  
That hurt.

  
That hurt _a lot._

  
Father had been the one who cared about her. He praised her, she was his right-hand woman, together they would rule the world. She had hoped, that maybe, just maybe, he held a small sliver of love for her. When he refused to allow her to come with him into battle, but that had almost been outweighed by the fear that rushed through her body as Father spoke to her in a way he never had. It was the special tone of voice reserved for those beneath him. She had been treated the way he treats Zuko. Azula was above Zuko. Everyone said so. He was a traitor to the Fire Nation, he was mediocre at best with bending, he relied on swords for Angi’s sake! He was ruled by emotions, he wasn’t fit to lead that’s why Father had chosen her.

  
Then a thought filled her, Father’s face tight with annoyance combined with the fact that she had just disrespected him…

  
Would…would he burn her the same way he burnt Zuko?

  
While she had smiled when Father punished Zuko that fateful day, she would be lying if the pleas and wails of her brother didn’t haunt her. She’d never admit that though. She was foolish for thinking it could’ve been any different. Things like trust and love are for fools, fear is the only reliable way.  
There simply was no room for love in the palace halls.  
No wonder Zuzu hadn’t made it.

* * *

_“I love you, Azula, I do.”_

* * *

Azula was bored. Tracing her fingers along the walls of her room wasn’t a suitable form of entertainment, especially for someone of her status.

  
_“What status Azula? You have no status anymore my love…that doesn’t matter though- “_

  
“Shut up Mother. You were always more preoccupied with more frivolous things like art and theatre. Being all nice, but never kind. There’s a difference you know. I simply choose not to bother with either one. I leave that to Zuzu.” Azula said as she closed her eyes while combing her hair. The hallucination of her mother had nothing to say to that. Good. She never knew when to shut up with all that ‘I-love-you-Azula’ nonsense. She didn’t get to play loving parent after what she’d done. Never loving Azula, taking away Zuko from his true potential, and then leaving him in the ashes of her betrayal. Mother had never looked at her the way she looked at Zuko, as if he were Angi himself. She was the only person who managed to make her feel two feet tall. She ruined everything they had to save herself. Zuko would’ve been fine, he would’ve gotten better in training, she would’ve made sure of it, and he could’ve been useful when she took the throne. That had been the plan anyway. But Mother ruined it like she ruined everything else because she left. Zuko wouldn’t have mouthed off at that meeting had she been there to stop him from going, but no she just had to up and go and leave them with nothing but the memories of clear favoritism between she and Zuko, and the pitiful reminder of her brother’s scarred face that left him without sight and hearing on his left side. A shame really, for all his faults Azula could still admit that they were pretty people. She scowled.

  
_So selfish._

  
When she opened her eyes, her mother was gone. She never gave a warning to when she would leave. Then again, she hadn’t when she left the first time so no surprise there. She glanced over at the clock to see what time it was. Zuzu was supposed to be coming for their weekly visit soon. He always made an effort to see her despite everything. Idiot. What part of striking him with lightning did he not understand? Azula allowed these visits anyway, no matter how tedious they were. He was just too stubborn, a family trait of theirs. Dyeing the palace court with blue flames didn’t work so what would? Sokka was obviously not getting through to him either. Useless Zuko couldn’t be bothered to get a useful boyfriend, huh? A Water-Tribe savage.

  
Voices outside her door interrupted her musings and she turned to see the door opening to reveal her brother looking disheveled. He donned more casual robes and his hair was falling loose from his topknot and tired eyes. She scanned him with a critical eye, taking note of this shaking hands and the just as shaky voice he was using while addressing the nurse. Idly, she wondered how long she’d have to wait before he went from visitor to roomate. He could try to hide it all he wanted with his professional robes and practiced smiles, but he was as crazy as the rest of them and he knows it. Then he turned towards her and smiled tiredly, and his eyes softened the same way they did when he was with Druk or the stupid turtleducks or, his friends. For a moment, her breath caught in her throat. In a way, she was thankful for his scar.

  
For all everyone said he took after Father, if they looked for longer than a second, they would see just how much of Mother he was. He mirrored Mother when he was with her, with his gold eyes and fake love he forever claimed was real. Azula wasn’t stupid.

  
She knew no one loved her.

  
They never had.

_“_

* * *

_True power, the divine right to rule, is something you were born with”._

* * *

  
Azula, while lacking in love, did not lack in power. She may have only been Fire Lord for a day, but she had people feeding out of the palms of her hands long before that. A perk of being Father’s favorite child. He had trained her for years to take no shit from anyone, because as future ruler, you had to have power at all times. He taught her how to think ten steps ahead of everyone and prepare for any possible scenario. It helped that she was good with people. Manipulating people came naturally and she used that gift frequently to obtain her needs. It was especially helpful when infiltrating Ba Sing Se, which sha had done quite successfully, she might add. Taking down Long Feng was another battle added to her reputation as the fearless leader she was, and always had been.

  
Her people skills also came in handy when it came to getting Mai and Ty Lee to help her with her efforts. She didn’t need them of course but taking down one of the earth’s oldest settlements was just as much fun with her friends as it would’ve been alone. The battle between them was engraved in her mind.

  
“I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing. So, you’ve had to struggle and connive and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you’re born with. The fact is, they don’t know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne and which of us is going to be bowing down. But I know, and you know.”

"..."

"Well?"

  
“You’ve beaten me at my own game.”

  
“Don’t flatter yourself. You were never even a player.”

  
She thought she had everything at the time. Azula had won the battle, taken Ba Sing Se for herself, and was on her way to victory. Nothing could’ve ruined her high. She was foolish. Azula had given her trust to three people; Father, Mai, and Ty Lee. And they threw it away like it was nothing. Maybe it was to them, but not to her. Her own words were carelessly tossed back in her face by the universe. “It’s terrible when you can't trust the people who are closest to you.” She had remarked to the Earth King with a smirk that said ‘I-won’. Then Ty Lee and Mai left her. For Zuko. Just like Mother, Uncle, and Lu Ten had. She shouldn’t have been surprised but Mai’s words still rung strong and echoed inside her fractured mind.

  
_“I love **Zuko** more than I fear you.”_

  
Trust was a fickle thing. It was something she kept close to her heart, locked in a box and unlike some people, she did not give it out like candy. After their betrayal, she decided that she needed no one. After all, a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not on the branch but her own wings, as Uncle once said. Maybe he had some good points after all. Father had better points though. He may have been cruel on occasion but he was right in at least one aspect.

  
Trust is for fools; fear is the only reliable way.

* * *

  
Looking out the window of her room at the asylum, she realized something.

  
Her world was on fire and it was all her fault.

  
But maybe she knew that all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm Bunni and this is my first fic. I would appreciate some constructive criticism! I loved writing this because character studies are my favorite and Azula is a complex character.


End file.
